The many escapades of The Professor
by Hidden By Shadow
Summary: MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR PEACE WALKER.  Kaz Miller has many duties in MSF, giving Big Boss a daily dose of headaches with the same message is one of them.


The Many Escapades Of Professor Galvez

DISCLAIMER: The author does not own Metal Gear. It is the property of Konami.

_AN: Warning. MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR PEACE WALKER. Please don't read if you haven't completed it yet. Also, this is a humour parody fic, so characters might go OOC occassionally. I'll try to keep it to a minimum though._

Big Boss sat in the back of a helicopter as it flew back towards Mother Base after another successful mission when his radio beeped. Picking it up, Big Boss noticed it was Miller's frequency.

"Boss, you'll never guess what's happened." Miller's voice rang out.

"Let me guess. Harry Houdini has escaped. Again." Big Boss snarked.

"Yep."

"And where were the guards this time?" Big Boss asked, waiting for yet another stupid answer. Having a guard go AWOL from the Brig because Paz and the other women had been baking cakes had been bad enough. He wasn't about to forget the time when Kaz, somehow losing all known competance had assigned one guard to the whole brig, when it had seven people in there. And then same guard had spent literally an hour sat at one end of the brig with a portable television set watching the football and then acting surprised ninty minutes later when he was greeted by empty cells and flapping doors. Big Boss had had to resist the urge to throw that man over the side of the rig.

"Um, they kinda." Miller stalled.

"Come on, Kaz, spit it out."

"They kinda organised a party in the Brig." Big Boss stared at the radio as he processed what he had just heard.

"Party? In the Brig?"

"Um, there were only five people in the Brig and the guards said they looked bored, so they thought having an impromptu party would liven things up. They said they were gone all of five minutes when they came back to find empty cells all around."

"Okay, so where abouts did Houdini go this time?" Big Boss asked, slipping a piece of paper to the pilot that read 'Turn this bird around.' The pilot took one look at it before passing the note back. 'Houdini again?' Big Boss nodded as the pilot turned around and did his job of flying the plane.

"Um, we think he went to Strangelove's lab in the ruins."

Big Boss jumped down from the helicopter and down to the ruins. Walking into the lab with Strangelove's ID, he found the place was teaming with scantily clad women and loud pop music. Both things Big Boss didn't approve of. Looking around, he noticed the Professor on the platform the mammal pod had once occupied, dancing to the music. And even though he didn't really pay much attention to popular culture, even Big Boss knew that the Professor's dancing was embarassing.

"Drink senor?" A scantily clad bimbo walking around with a tray of drinks asked him. Big Boss just shot her with the Mk22. Turning his attention to turning the annoying music off, Big Boss had to cover his ears when the next track began to play. Up on the platform, the Professor used his prosthetic hand to twirl a leek in time to the music. Running madly for the plug sockets, Big Boss cut the power to the stereo system and the music died.

"Aw." The Professor whined as Big Boss approached him. "I was enjoying that."

"Save it Professor." Big Boss grunted as he shoved a Fulton at the Professor, "Clip that on and save us both the trouble of me tranqing or CQCing you." The Professor looked glum before firing the Fulton and being pulled up to the helicopter. "And all you skanks clear out of here." Big Boss shouted at the women, "Don't make me get the hose!" Unfortunately for Big Boss, the women were not running for the exits, but walking towards him with a look in their eyes that suggested they wanted one thing – him. Big Boss fired a Fulton and was pulled up before they could get close to him.

Walking the Professor into the Brig, Big Boss pushed him into a cell as Kaz slammed the door shut behind him.

"And this time, stay there." Big Boss grunted as he walked away. "And Kaz, please put more guards in here than just the usual one inept guard."

_AN: First chapter, short and sweet. If this is well-received, I might do some more chapters if/when I can. Also, in this chapter I tried not to give away too much of Peace Walker's plot. From here on out, I will be using the names as they are used at the end of Peace Walker, so if you don't wanna be spoilerised, don't read._


End file.
